Worry

This week has been a blur.

I honestly can't remember what I had for breakfast and lunch on Tuesday. I think it was local, but I'm not 100% sure. Sad how meals can fade from the memory so quickly.

I do remember Tuesday's dinner. It was one of the best yet. Stanley had his last softball game of the season that evening, so I was on my own. I baked a local sweet potato in the toaster oven, and cooked up a bunch of kale from the garden, an Italian Frying pepper, and some walnuts in the cast iron. The secret ingredient was a touch of maple syrup with the nuts and veggies. It caramelized them just perfectly and brought out the sweetness in the entire meal. I know it sounds simple, but this really was one of the most enjoyable dinners I've had all month.

Wednesday was a light work day. I had a meeting at Madison Sourdough (local bakery/coffeehouse) at 8am, so I had my tea with a scone from there (not local, but delicious!). After a mid-morning apple and peanut-butter snack, I had a fabulous lunch of boiled potatoes with lots of butter, sharp cheddar cheese, and broccoli florets from the garden.

I have my prenatal yoga class on Wednesday nights. As I was leaving the doctor's office called to give me the results of my ultrasound from Monday. The reason for the test was because my belly was measuring big for 28 weeks... three weeks big to be exact. Turns out it's because the baby's big (in the 75th percentile), but that wasn't all. They also found that his lateral ventricle (in his brain!) is measuring too big. If it gets much bigger, brain development could suffer. They are referring me for a more detailed ultrasound to check into it further. Though the doctor assured me that chances are he's fine (and my own Internet research backed that up), stress and worry set in big-time.

I really appreciated my yoga class that night! Yoga is such a wonderful way to clear your mind and set your intentions. I found myself telling my child over and over in my mind how much I love him, and feeling an intense protectiveness that is new to me. This is motherhood.

Anyway, once the stress and worry of that evening really set it, any attempt to eat well went out the window. Eating locally really requires attention and focus, and I found that I had none to give. We ended up doing way too much Internet research about the condition of our baby and then walking down the block to our local Vietnamese restaurant. At least the food there is good, not local, but good. I'm ashamed to admit that we also bought a pint of Ben and Jerry's and consumed it all that evening. Incredible what stress will do to you.

Thursday I had a bowl of oatmeal at work for breakfast (not local). I only remembered to eat lunch after realizing that I was starving at about 2pm. (and after my dropping blood sugar had led me to eat the frosting off the top of a cupcake in the day-old bakery bin). Leftover boiled potatoes (from Wednesday's lunch) with butter and salt. Boring but satisfying.

I got home with time and enough energy to engage in some culinary therapy... sometimes working with fresh foods and creating something wonderful can be quite therapeutic. I made pizza from scratch: sauce, dough, and all. The dough used local flour, the tomatoes for the sauce came from the garden. Other toppings were seasoned ground beef, garden bell peppers and basil, and lots of cheese. Not a traditional or beautiful pizza, but nourishing, local, and just what I needed.

Today has been somewhat successful so far. Fruit in the morning (OK, I did have a tiny little Vanilla Swirl pastry from the day old bin, but it really was small!), leftover pizza for lunch. I think the plan for tonight is venison stew.

There is a 90% chance that our baby is fine, and even if he ends up being in the other 10%, chances are it's not that big a deal. Either way, he will be exactly what he's meant to be, and he will be perfect.